when the waves of grief are overwhelming
when the sorrows of the world come crawling into your heart, like ants seeking solace from the sun or the rain or a destructive storm of little kid emotions
when you want to run and hide because everything hurts and you don’t understand how to stand back up again and survive
Imagine a goddess there. (she looks like your mother). Imagine her holding you (imagine she looks like your sister). Imagine her hand on your back (imagine she looks like your grandmother). Imagine a voice saying “it will be okay” (imagine it sounds like your father). Imagine a voice saying “even if it isn’t okay, we are here” (imagine it sounds like your brother). Imagine a presence, kind and gentle, watching over you (like your grandfather) not taking the pain away—because there is no such thing—but adding buoys to keep you afloat in the storm. Buoys, like the ones on a dock on a lake where you used to fish as a child.
When you are broken, imagine yourself as a beloved child, in awe of a fish caught at the end of a hook, horrified in sadness at the fish dying, with a stomach grumbling at the thought of the silver gift pulled from the water. Think of that hungry, sad, grateful child and hold yourself in that loving embrace, and remember: you are a child within the infinite time and space of the universe.
you are here. you are beloved.
It hurts to grow. It hurts to open our eyes and see the world honestly and know that life won’t always be a perfect sunset on a solstice evening. life is only life—that’s all it can ever be.
But after all
isn’t even that a miracle?
bouy
/ boo-ee, boi /
noun
Nautical.
a distinctively shaped and marked float, sometimes carrying a signal or signals, anchored to mark a channel, anchorage, navigational hazard, etc., or to provide a mooring place away from the shore.
a life buoy
verb (used with object)
to keep afloat or support by or as if by a life buoy; keep from sinking (often followed by up):