The secret to adulthood is recognizing that nobody is in charge of us.1
You are the only person in charge of getting out of bed in the morning and doing what needs to be done.
You are the only person who decides what needs to be done.
You are the only person who can say what you want to do.
You can choose to do things that makes you happy. You can choose to do things that make you sad.
My difficulty is finding the balance (tension) between things that feel good in the short-term vs things I’m hoping to have when I’m old and gray.
I want to be a person who eats more fruits and vegetables—food that looks like food—instead of frankenstein food wrapped in plastics.
It’s just that Cheetos and chocolate taste so good.
I want to be a person who wakes up at the same time every day and immediately meditates and exercises.
It’s just that sleeping forever feels so good.
I want to be a person who does the dishes every day.
It’s just that not doing them feels so much better.
I want to be a person who is starting to save money again.
It’s just that it’s humid and hot-as-balls in New York City and thus all my clothes are worthless if they aren’t already made out of linen.
I’ve been thinking a lot about ADHD lately, and how dopamine disorders make it really difficult to choose long-term health, happiness, comfort, and stability over short-term pleasure and gain.
I can commit to sobriety and healthy routines for, like, six days, but then I get bored and my ADHD rubberband slaps me back to square zero. I throw caution out the window and have fun for a few days, until I feel fatigued from poor sleep hygiene and nauseated from eating too many bags of chips, and then the cycle starts all over again.
The secret (I know, I know) is releasing self-judgement, accepting my imperfection, and loving myself for trying, but still, it sure would be nice to feel like I’m actually in charge of my life and body, instead of a petulant, moody teenager.
Love y’all. Send me your ADHD advice if you’ve got it, and I’ll send you mine in exchange.
For now, I’m going to bed, because I parked my new/used car in a zone that changes to No Parking at 0730 and god help me if I’m going to let this city give me a $130 ticket. Hard NOPE. :)
excepting local/state/federal law, obviously.