Why is it so hard to do the things that we know will make us long-term happy?
Because we allow it to be.
“Why is it so hard to make the choices we know are truly good for us?” I asked.
”Because we are afraid we will be happy,” he said.
”How does that makes sense?” I said.
”Happiness can be taken away,” he said.
“OH SNAP.” I said.
-
That bit of conversation yesterday inspired thoughts on a longer post I’m saving for another day.
Today, I was going to leave you with just that bite-sized tidbit above, but now I have a pertinent, vivid, and hopefully humorous anecdote about the temporary nature of happiness:
After writing the last line above, I was going to close this post by rating Today’s Motivation Level for Living as an 8 out of 10.
Today felt GOOD.
Why? Largely because I completed three long-looming to-dos, and Christianity and capitalism have taught me that nothing feels better than accomplishing something with my day. (Idle hands are the Devil’s workshop.)
So, I felt happy,
until
I opened my Reminders app to remember what I actually accomplished today
—and I was hit with the devastating sight of how many To-Do’s in my life still aren’t To-Done.
Dozens and dozens of pending tasks.
All of it, Stupid Life Stuff™.
All of it, inconsequential but somehow still completely overwhelming.
All of it, a reminder of my own shortcomings and the nightmare that is un-medicated narcolepsy + ADHD1
So then my mind started racing, and I got extremely grumpy, because
I am mad at myself that I am still awake when I meant to go to sleep hours ago, and I can’t sleep in, because I have to wake up “early” and shower and go be a personal assistant for someone tomorrow to help them cross off their Stupid Life Stuff™, which means I’m going to be SO SLEEPY tomorrow, which means I won’t have the energy to cross off anything from my own to-list list after work, which means I won’t be anywhere closer to The Ultimate Goal, which is (of course) the quest to eliminate everything off my to-do list once and for all, and now I have to wait for another day off from work to accomplish anything, which feels SO FAR AWAY that it’s basically never, and I’m positive I’m just going to die alone as a complete failure who never managed to accomplish anything at all and UGH LIFE IS SO ANNOYING—
And this is why I sometimes want to un-alive myself and also why I eat chocolate instead of vegetables, because how on earth is BROCCOLI supposed to make me feel better when my whole world just collapsed on itself because I was reminded that I still haven’t filed last year’s taxes?????
So.
Anyway.
In conclusion.
Happiness is fleeting. :)
And if you ever need a reminder of that fact, just hang out with a toddler, or…well…me.
Today was fine. Tomorrow will probably be fine also. :)
Days of sobriety: 2 (whoo!!)
See you tomorrow,
Lara
Happiness is being able to treat this task as a meditative activity instead of hunting down and MURDERING whatever MONSTER designed this adhesive label. :)
I would love to figure out my medication situation, but unfortunately, that’s an entirely separate category in my to-do lists and, well, you see how I am currently reacting to my responsibilities. ;)